Looking Outward

Here's the latest little nugget of life-wisdom I'm pondering: Looking inward is rarely so rewarding as looking outward.

Shocking, but I'm something of an over-analyzing fool, and I've always been a deep-thinker. These traits manifest themselves as oblivion or absent-mindedness, much to either the chagrin or the amusement of those around me. As a child, I'd sit on the beach looking wistfully into the waves pretending to be The Little Mermaid or lose myself for hours creating my own little stories and dramas in Barbie dolls or characters of my own imagination. As an adult, I constantly reflect, spiritualize and even worry about my purpose, calling, career and relationships in an effort to better understand myself and others and strive for improvement. And I still find myself daydreaming.

But whether daydreaming or engaging in earnest reflection or engulfed in my own silly nonproblems, sometimes I just need to get outside of myself. For sanity's sake. For humility's sake. For reality's sake. You know those people who seem to be social--- the friendly fun ones who seem to be outgoing and interested in others? They seem like nice people until you realize every conversation is ALL ABOUT THEM? You tend to start avoiding them. I think I usually catch myself in time, but I've definitely been guilty.

God is so good. Sometimes he grabs my attention by reminding me of my dependence on his grace flowing straight from heaven, but more often through the fingertips of others here on Earth. As he did on Saturday when I was at the mercy of the valet and the kind soul at the bank who opened after hours to help a damsel in distress. Or allowing me to appreciate the talents of an elevator-car musician. Girl-time over a bag of Ghirardelli milk chocolate chips that transitions from facebook-photo analysis to Yemen man updates to mild exhortation. Excitement over playing third-wheel on a date to engage in the vetting of the newest romantic prospect of a friend. Shared celebration via never-ending reply all email chains proclaiming good news from afar.

There's a level of appreciation of others that draws me away from my own self-centered mindset, but I need to take it one step further. Isn't it a bit stingy of me to benefit from others' kindness and social contribution without making a few deposits of my own? The greatest joy, with the most satisfying returns, is to invest purposefully in others; to engage the outside world. I'm reminded of my impact on others through the kind (if somewhat disconcerting) words of a very dear, wayward old friend, the pleas for a smile from the homeless man on the curb, the affirming words of Bob, or perhaps the hurt and confusion evoked by my own biting words and deeds. Relational wisdom does me little good if I forget to apply it or get so caught up in living it perfectly that outside myself I don't simply live. And it is the times when I am looking outside of myself, my circumstances, my own little worries, frustrations and insecurities, and truly engaging with others, that I feel most alive.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a life to execute.