Sometimes the Hard thing and the Right thing are the Same

Amidst what seem to be never-ending life anxieties, I sat pondering this question last night: Are the hard thing and the right thing always the same?

I was trying to step outside of my swirling, overactive brain to determine if my most recent "stand" was based more on recognizing the right thing, and responsibly stepping up to the challenge, or if it was merely another strong-willed act of defiance. An "I can do this, just watch me" moment. I felt justified in my position, and the fact that holding my ground was hard seemed to convince me even more that it was the morally superior choice. But it had suddenly occurred to me that sheer will-power, stubborn insistence was at play as well. And if that played a part in my motivation, was my choice truly justified? Or was I, as someone recently accused, wrapping the self in the sounds of the spiritual?

I've been told by spiritual mentors that my resilient spirit (rebellion sounds SO much prettier in that context, doesn't it!?) is a gift from God that I ought to apply. Check in the hard = right box. Plus, God was giving me grace, and he was sustaining me in not backing down. Double-check.

But it dawned on me that sometimes I am so focused on living perfectly, getting it "right", that I glorify the hardest thing merely on the merit that it is hard. The Lord was gracious enough to show me that anytime I'm acting out of pride and choosing the hardest way simply because it's the hardest way, then my motivation and the deeper heart issues need to be dealt with. Regardless of if my actions are the best ones in a given situation. And it's only going to make me grow to deal with them. If I am merely acting and reacting out of my own headstrong, prideful instinct, it not only leaves me open to a plethora of bumbles, it casts doubt on the whole matter. So how do we tell the difference, separate the self from the spiritual?

The Lord is always speaking to us, if we but listen. One of the ways he convicted me about misguided motivations was through the hymn "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross":

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride

With eyes focused on the cross, it's much harder to operate out of pride.

But then, ha! He gave me another set of verses, which thanks to the divine inspiration of the Fray (as well as a whole host of other undeniable facts carefully examined), set me right again, once I'd repented of my sin. The song is "All At Once", and the most telling line is "Sometimes the hard thing and the right thing are the same." Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor? The song in its entirety is actually shockingly applicable to my particular situation, but I won't continue to bore you with details.

Bottom line: Sometimes the hard thing and the right thing are the same.

But not always.

Guess that's why we never quit needing His Guidance and His Grace.